Sunday, June 5, 2011

My problem is...(yes more)

I use up all my time, energy, and thoughts reading and commenting on other blogs and when I get here I got nothing.  I think I already said that somewhere.

There are a million crafts I want to try but I have two million reasons why I can't try them.

I want to find a therapist but the truth is I'm not looking and chances are I won't start looking any time soon.  Maybe one will come knock on my door.

There are projects that need doing around the house that I can do on my own but I prefer to pretend I can't and that I need John to help me.

I really wish my sister, the one who lives out of town, lived closer.  I miss her, she is one of the few people I can really, really laugh with (this might hurt my husband's feelings - sorry hon), she's the only one that can push me without me wanting to tell her to back off, and she can almost convince me that I am totally competent - no caveats, no exceptions and no excuses.  I don't think she much appreciates or gets my artistic/crafty pursuits (I could be wrong here) but she does believe in plunging in, making concrete steps forward with visible results.  I wish I could be more like that, I'm too timid.

My husband totally supports my artistic/crafty pursuits.  He'll make sure I get whatever I need, he compliments my work, he helps me plan and offers advice.  I know this is because he can see that it's one of the few things I feel good at.  He never pushes me because he knows that I'm harder on myself than he could ever be plus, when he does offer advice on other stuff I feel (wrongly) like he thinks I can't do it.  (for example he says "next time, try doing it this way" and I hear "you did it wrong, you should have done it that way)  Poor guy.  He can't win.  I'm surprised he's still here or should I say, that he lets me stay.  I love him with all my heart and would never have survived this long without him.

Maybe I'm not depressed, maybe I'm just lazy, incompetent and I'm a procrastinator.  Found myself at a used book sale and picked up two books on procrastination (I know what you're thinking Boo).   Only a buck a piece but there's two bucks spent with the hope that they will change my life and chances are I'll never read them.   (I'll put them in my stupid garage sale)

I want to post photos of some of my work but setting it up, taking the photos, loading the photos to the computer then loading them here seems like an awful lot of work.  Blog wisdom says to post photos to attract readers but I justify my laziness by saying that I'm not here to collect followers so to hell with blog wisdom.

I'm too scared to say what I think, offer opinions or to ask for changes because I think I'm probably wrong and I would be asking too much and because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  Theirs matter, mine don't.

I am being way too negative here so I will stop and start a new post that is a little more positive....later...when I think of something positive...maybe tomorrow...


  1. Hi Jojesek--I'm not sure if this article will help you or not, but I have a lot of the same issues you are writing about. This article helped me understand why I might do some things. It's 3 parts.

  2. Keep the positive thoughts coming! Don't let the negative dominate! POSITIVE! :)