Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Potlucks (Boring post alert)

A few years ago my sister (the one who lives here in town) began inviting me to attend a monthly potluck dinner with her friends.  It is a group of women who seem to have know each other for years who get together roughly once a month for a potluck dinner.  I don't seem to have much in common with them but they have been very welcoming and warm.

It is extraordinarily difficult for me to go for a variety of reasons:  there's the whole social phobia thing, sometimes I feel out of place because they have all known each other so long, I have very little to contribute in terms of conversation because I don't have a life outside my home, sometimes I feel like I'm only being invited out of pity.  None of these women have ever done or said anything that would lead me to believe they really feel this way, it is my own skewed thought process.

With the encouragement of John and Jessica I go to as many as I can and for the most part I have a nice time.  I will sometimes take some meds before leaving to help me get through the start and the initial panic.  The tough part is when I just can't go.  I hate to say no to my sister, although God bless her she keeps asking me anyway, and I find it impossible to explain why I can't do it.  It makes me feel ungrateful for not accepting the invitation and I'm afraid they will all think I'm some kind of snob.  I'm not sure how many of them know I suffer from depression but it's not the kind of thing you bring up at a party.  I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that the ones who do know aren't aware of how bad it still gets at times. 

I'm not sure why I'm writing this except that there is one coming up this weekend.  A pool party.  That's a problem because since I've gained weight I don't have a suit that fits me and truly I'm not really brave enough to go try one on (more money wasted on me anyway) nor to wear it in public even if it's a bunch of women.  Also, for the pool party ones everyone just brings appetizers, salads or desserts and each of us brings a "main course" we can cook on the BBQ.   Now, I am fully aware of how pathetic this is going to sound but here goes - I don't know how long to leave stuff on the BBQ and I have trouble inserting myself when everyone is using it.  I tried to think of something I could cook ahead and eat cold but I'm drawing a blank.  Plus I have no car, John's working and I don't really know anyone well enough to ask for a ride except my sister of course but I'm not exactly on the way so I don't want to ask her either.

As usual, we are four days away from a potluck and I don't want to go, I feel I should go because I was invited, I feel I should go because it's probably good for me and I'm scared to go.


  1. I, for one, totally understand and definitely have the same problems. Only mine have gotten so bad I never go anywhere and haven't for a few years now. I'm just starting to force myself to get back out there. So, my advice, so you don't end up like me is --
    How about a nice fruit salad--everyone loves those and I'm sure it would be welcome. Or, you can always wrap up baked potatoes and there's always someone who'll let you know when they're done, but all you have to do is squeeze or stick a fork in.
    Your sister would probably be happy to pick you up.
    And maybe instead of a bathing suit, a long skirt with a tank top--you get my drift.
    I used to take a pain pill cause they help me to talk.
    The important thing imo is to not isolate and it sounds like you essentially like these people.
    I say go.
    But understand if you don't :)

  2. I say go too. Remember my doctor just told me I need to get out more its good for your brain, thinking, processing skills etc, just getting out. You might have fun too Let me know what you decide Trust me alof of us have put on weight..I have to try and get mine off but need to find the motivation. Hope you are having a good week so far Hugs, Kim