Monday, September 26, 2011

No more lies

I need to quit lying to myself. I don't need to  can't wait for the perfect time to do whatever.  I just have to do it when it needs doing or when I think about it.  Am I procrastinating, lazy, afraid of failure, afraid of starting?  I don't know but I need to start asking myself and answering honestly instead of moping.

I can't afford to go back to school but that doesn't mean I can't learn.  I'm still smart.  I may not be as quick as I used to be but I'm not stupid.  I just need to exercise my brain a little and focus.  I can only do one thing at a time if that one thing requires concentration.  That's not the end of the world.  Silence is not a bad thing.

My sewing machine is giving me trouble, I can't seem to get the tension on the bobbin thread to work but I haven't given up.  I'm still trying to fix it.  I would really like to just get a new one but that's not in the cards right now.  I'm proud of myself for continuing instead of giving up and/or getting pissed off.  When it starts getting frustrating, I just walk away for a bit.  At this rate it could take months to figure out the problem but I think it's a more healthy approach.

We took Max to the vet Friday for his check up and shots.  That was $280.  I couldn't believe it.  Plus he's apparently a little on the chubby side.  The Vet said he needs to lose about 12-15 pounds which sounds like a lot but he weighs 96 pounds so it's not that bad.  He gets more exercise in the winter because we can walk farther and there are more places he can go off leash.  In the interest of honesty though, I will have to stop sharing my food with him as well.  I do it so he will sit with me, he tends to be a little anti-social when there is no food involved.  I find that annoys me quite a bit.  Dogs are supposed to love you unconditionally, not just when you have food.   Just to prove me wrong, here he is looking for a little love and affection and there is no food in sight.

Since I have absolutely no self control, I have decided that I will have to unsubscribe to some blogs in order to keep myself from spending too much time on the computer.  This is a very tough decision because I thought I was being fairly discriminating when I was subscribing to blogs.  There are some I read because they make me laugh, some because they are frequently saying what I'm feeling, some are just cute pictures of animals, some tell me what's going on around town (like that spectacular Mammoth Book Sale) and some I read because they are supposed to provide me with the wisdom I need to live a full and happy life (those will be the easiest and first to go)


  1. I was taught to sew and bobbin tension was always my down fall. Hold on to cotton and dip your hand and raise it quickly. The bobbin should fall a little but stop. If it doesn't fall it's too tight if it continues it's too loose. anyway good luck. Ps your post made me laugh.

  2. Good for you for not giving up, I'm sure you'll get it fixed.
    I don't think your lazy, it's all part of being depressed.

  3. Ps, just to be clear parts of your blog made me smile.
    Regards Spanner.

  4. My dog has stopped eating for the last three days. I am worried about her, she is 15.

    Hang in there. It sounds trite, but there really are people who care... and I'm one of 'em.

  5. Blogs can take up so much time. Good for you for focusing on the ones that will really make a difference. Just think of those as part of your continued learning you talk about in the post...

  6. Hi Sheila, Just a note to touch base with you and to let you know I hope you are doing well.

    Being the paranoid that I am, I shied away from your blog because of that last paragraph here. I never know where I stand with people. To tell you the truth, I really miss the mental health/illness blogs, but over the long run I find they only made things worse for me. However, I always did appreciate your thoughts. Just saying.