Friday, March 16, 2012

I'm all in knots - again.

I've tried to write this post a few times already and I keep deleting it because I can't express myself properly.  I'm all in knots and I'm not sure why.

I have a headache but I'm pretty sure that's because of the change in weather.

Our little guest is only with us today and tomorrow.  I'll have mixed feelings when we drop her off on Sunday.  She gets up early, is very clingy, barks a fair amount, and has Max all out of sorts, on the other hand, she's a great snuggler, she's cute, she makes me laugh and I worry that she'll feel abandoned.  I'm still worried about the effect another foster will have on Max and whether I'll always feel like I'm abandoning them when we take them back.  Is it better to give them a foster home and make them feel safe and loved only to be returned to the shelter or to let them leave the shelter once - to their forever home - but have to be in the shelter longer?  I don't know,  maybe it's better if I just let someone else deal with it.

Max is not limping at all.  He appears to be loosing weight but it's hard to say how much.  We are walking about twenty minutes now, once our foster is gone we will let him do the stairs more than once a day.  As long as he's not limping, I'm going to stay the course that the vet set and not take him back.

Jess still doesn't have a job (not even looking) but she seems happy, is still plugging away (sloooowly) at school.

I still haven't come up with a plan/solution for the spare room.  How to make it easier for me to spend time up there.

None of this explains why I'm feeling all knotted up.  It's the worst feeling to know something is off but not being able to figure out what it is, let alone how to fix it.  Maybe I'm just overtired, maybe...maybe I'm just a fuck-up, maybe I should just quit expending so much energy trying to change and accept that this is the way it is and just sleep till I can get up and feel normal...until the next time...


  1. my own anxiety sometimes just gets unbearable and I have no idea what triggered it... it's a strange and large thing with a presence of its own...

    Hope you start to feel better now. Today.

  2. Morning, well it is here :-)
    Weighing a dog ????? I guess that would be a problem. Do you remember the huge Weigh Scales you used to get in Woolworths. The kind you had to put pennies in. That would of been a solution. I'm glad Max is on the mend though. I used to work in a greengrocers as a kid and a lady customer used to put her baby on the scales once a week to check it's weight. I loved the fact she wasn't bothered by the strange looks and her lateral thinking.
    The fostering is admirable but are you in a good enough place to deal with it (I mean emotionally).
    did you ever get your stuff on the web. Maybe Jess could be roped in to do the pictures and web stuff for a cut of the profit?
    Lastly and most importantly I don't think you're a fuck-up at all. We're all dealing with a problem that has the same name but many different solutions. There's too much to suggest in your posts that you are anything other than determined to find a better way.
    Onwards and upwards :-)