Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Better today

I woke up today with a very clear understanding that when John's mom was ill it was pretty easy for me to help her out, talk to the doctors, keep her company etc.  (I told him that his mom is much easier to get along with when she is unconscious.   He responded that that was probably true for many of our family members)  Her fears, irrational desire to go home before she's ready and her sadness and weepiness are just too much of a trigger for me.  Her wound is infected and she insisted to me that it was because a nurse came in to her room in the middle of the night and changed the dressing (or something) without wearing gloves.  To her credit when I told I don't think that really happened, that she may have dreamed it, she accepted it and dropped the issue.  (She knows I will always be honest with her and blunt if necessary)  As a matter of policy at the hospital, regardless of the type of infection, isolation and antibiotics are automatic so she now has a nice big private room.  She doesn't like it because she's alone, though she has a t.v. and a phone, and it is way down the end of a hall.  I'm sure that once the infection is cleared she will be moved back to a double room or a ward which will make her happier.  Still trying to get her to eat more and to eat in the dining room in order to socialize is tough.  The last thing she needs now is to isolate herself.  Anyway, I don't feel so bad now because I realize the whole trigger thing is what hit so close to home and I can see it for what it is.  Having said that I'll have to limit my visits with her until her spirits pick up.  It's unfortunate because I'm sure she think she needs me more now but the truth is I'm no good to her under these circumstances.  She will have to rely on John, his sister, and her friends to cheer her on and keep her spirits up for the time being.

All this got me to thinking that it is great to have support and understanding from other people who know first hand how you feel but having friends who suffer from depression can be very tricky.  There is always a risk that ones' episode will trigger the other into one which can create a very destructive and dangerous downward spiral.  I think that may have been where I was going yesterday.  Really I just want to say that I know where my compassion got lost and that I am once more on the right track and have a plan to get a grip on the situation.

On the bright side, we will be getting our new fridge today.  John and Derek are picking it up when John finishes work today.  It will be so nice to have a fridge that I don't have to keep checking to make sure it's cold and this one is smaller too so it won't be so obnoxious space wise in our tiny kitchen.

I have been crocheting up a storm, testing out different cotton threads, embroidery cottons and different size hooks to see what the results look like.  I don't have the patience to use the same pattern several times for comparison purposes so I'm trying to get a feel so I can guesstimate what size hook and which yarn, string or thread to use depending on what I'm going to use the finished product for.  I guess I should clarify that I have been making flowers, leaves and small motifs so far.  No hats scarves or blankets right now, of course I'm still working on the blanket for our bed, one rectangle at a time, and I'm using different stitch patterns for each rectangle to keep it interesting.  The problem with this now is that, if you recall, it is red, off white, grey and black BUT for my birthday, in addition to the beautiful earrings and a "Wise Family" T-shirt, D also gave me a beautiful blanket that has a bright emerald green in it.  She got it for me at the Pow-Wow which I wanted to attend with her but couldn't because of the whole mother-in-law thing.  Anyway this blanket is so nice and so warm that I'm thinking maybe I will change the colours in our bedroom to go with it, or since I already have some green in the spare room, I will use it as a comfort thing to help me use the spare room more often (that's if Jessica ever moves out of there).  A happy dilemma to have.

Once again, pictures will follow but it's kind of a pain in the butt to load pictures up from my camera because I don't have the right kind of memory slot on my lap top.  That means I have to borrow one of the kids computers or sit on the floor to work on the main desktop which is tucked away in a cupboard because no one uses it anymore.    Of course it may also be that I just haven't gotten around to actually taking the pics.  My excuse is that it's a little point and shoot type camera, which is exactly what I wanted, but it's kind of tough to get nice close ups that show any amount of detail with clarity.  I intend to set aside some time to play with all the settings, distances, and zooming in and out to see if I can do better.

Jess and I talked about setting up a joint Etsy shop.  I really, really like the idea and I hope she wasn't "just talking" and that she will really consider it.  I need her moral support and she needs my credit card - a match made in heaven (sort of).

Also, you may recall that I made a yoga bag for my other sister and my sister-in-law likes it so much she wants me to make one for her too.  Again, I can't really get to my stuff in the spare room at the moment but once I can I will find an appropriate fabric and do that.  I intend to charge her for the bag (I stupidly gave the other one away) so I'm going to try and keep track of the amount of time and material it takes.  Jessica's friend also still wants one so I can do both at the same time to see if an assembly line type approach works. 

I'm off to walk my boy Max, the weather is a perfect sunny and 2 Celsius (I can't find the little degree circle thingy on my keyboard).  It may sound crazy to a lot of people out there, especially those who hate our Canadian winters but I'm really glad that summer is over and fall has arrived.

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