I can hardly believe I have followers already, and none of them are relatives. I like that some are crafters, some are people suffering with mental illness and some are both.
The problem with the crafters is that I know they want to see pictures of my creations but I'm afraid to post photos in case my stuff isn't good enough. I don't want to disappoint anyone. Everyone says it is, they all say "You should sell those" but nobody ever offers to buy any. My mom commissioned something which she and my dad insisted on paying for but I can't count my parents! I don't even like to refer to myself as a "Crazy Quilter" because I really don't know what I'm doing. I just call it sewing, or embellishing.
My husband (my wisest and kindest therapist ever) keeps telling me it's the process not the product. I get that but it is a function of my self esteem - i.e. if the product isn't useful, then the process is pointless. I do have some things completed that I like but don't want to post pictures in case no one else likes them. Does that mean I don't really like them? I know, I know, it shouldn't matter if others like it as long as I do, but it does matter. Even when they do say they like it I'm as likely as not to think "She's just saying that." It has always been easier to keep my creative endeavors to myself. I tend to think "If I can do it, then it must be easy." That makes it no big deal, nothing to be proud of. As you can see I have created a situation where I simply cannot win.
No wonder I can't outrun the Black Dog.
I am a knitter and a mental illness person. Once in a while knitting graces my blog. I am slooooowww like a turtle though. Soon though.
ReplyDeleteI started playing the piano in college, took some lessons. I am afraid to play for anyone because of what they might think. I do it part time, I don't think I've ever played a song beginning to end without a mistake but I play for fun. I understand what you're going through, wish I had the confidence to just put it out there. -Kevin
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