I am very affected by the weather, the shorter days in winter that kind of stuff. Fall is usually a tough time of year for me and this past fall was no different. In fact it was the worst I've had in a long time. I was truly feeling suicidal and tried to medicate myself into sleep as much as possible. With the new year came a renewed attempt to "get my shit together" as evidenced by this blog and all the big plans I have discussed in it.
My doctor started me on concerta in an attempt to get me to engage in life again. It has worked to a certain extent although I was hoping for a bit more of a boost in energy. Luckily my discovery of crazy quilting sort of coincided and so I am doing something at least. As always I walk Max almost every day and thanks to a change in meds last spring, I have been losing weight (a total of 26 pounds now).
This is all good news right? Well, not so much. I've lost weight yes, but I do not feel lighter, or thinner (I'm still pretty overweight), I have no extra energy which kind of pisses me off because 26 lbs. is quite a bit. The only thing I enjoy about walking Max is watching him run off leash. He just looks like he's having so much fun. Many days I take him because it's easier than feeling guilty for not taking him.
All this has been doubly hard because it feels like fall. Spring is nowhere to be seen. We have had record rainfall for the month of April and it has been a decidedly chilly month also. There has been just enough sun to be a teaser so you don't forget how good the sun feels. The chilliness wouldn't bother me so much if it would just stay chilly and if the sun would come out. The back and forth between chilly, mild and warm is dragging me down a lot. The weatherman says it is going to be a nice weekend (John is working this weekend of course) but I'm not holding my breath as he has been wrong so much of the time lately. I can hardly wait for the May flowers, we have certainly had our share of April showers.