Monday, May 2, 2011

One of those days.

I can't believe it's raining again.  I woke up at 9:56 which makes me feel like I wasted a good chunk of my day.  So I wake Jess for work and she tells me she doesn't start 'till 3:30.  So I come downstairs and Jessica has put the dishwasher on but it was so full she had to leave some dishes on the counter.  She also left the dishes she and her boyfriend used to cook their dinner (which they did not share).  I helped her clean her room and now she has to go through all her clothes and get rid of some but she insists they have to be washed first so guess who is washing them.  After I wash them I have to badger her to go through them.  Both my kids think pot is harmless and a booze is ok too.  Boy did I fail them there.  John has to work two jobs because I am such a pathetic basket case that I can't hold a job and that means he never has the time or energy to do stuff around the house.  What energy he does have, he has to expend looking after his mom.  Given that, I can hardly nag him to help me clean the basement, or fix the window, or clean the garage and if I try to do any of that stuff, I invariably make a mistake or I toss something he wanted to keep.  Then there's the stuff I can't even move, like the busted washing machine and the tv that doesn't work anymore.  I'm sick of feeling like I'm asking a huge favour every time I ask someone to walk the dog.  God forbid anyone should just offer.  I try so hard to be nice, to help them to do things for them to ask about their day to ask how things are going and I just feel like they don' t care.  Like everyone is sick of me being sick as if I'm not sick of being this way.
I decided to start a new quilt and now that just seems like a stupid idea.  I've been reading Van Gogh Blues and it just isn't making sense to me anymore.  I don't understand what he's trying to say.  I don't want to create anything.  I don't understand the point.  What the hell am I going to do with the stuff once I'm done making it.  Even if it was good enough to sell, which it isn't, I can't imagine going through the effort of all the paperwork, expense and time it would take for me to be able to sell the stuff legally and then no one would buy it anyway so why should I waste my time, effort and money.  I just want to back to bed and cry or better yet, sleep but I have to walk the dog and make dinner and do laundry and wash dishes...  I hate all the parts of my life for which I am responsible.

1 comment:

  1. Hi there, I think we have all felt that way about the craft stuff. I make cards and tags. You just store or do giveaways. The art part is the therapy part to keep your mind occupied on something else. I know first hand though sometimes with depression you certainly dont feel like doing a thing, especially laundry!
    How old are these kids? Old enough to move out. One of mine has the same values..hopefully they will grow out of that. My oldest is 22....He moved out almost 3 years ago. Anyways work on the quilt or anything you feel like, tell me what you are doing first and I will do that too, Pam said add a piece of lace down a seam so I am going to do that. My husband works a ton so I can stay home so I understand the part about getting them to do something ...>Hope you have a nice evening. Feel free to email me any time. Hugs, Kim