Thursday, June 23, 2011

Stuck - again

I was supposed to see my G.P. yesterday but they told me the appointment was today.  The receptionist wrote it down wrong.  It wasn't me.  It upset me more than I thought it would because I want to talk to her about my meds.  She started me on Concerta and either it's not enough or it's the wrong thing for me.  I had to reschedule the stupid appointment for next week because John couldn't come with me today.  If I go by myself to talk about moods, meds, sleep, energy etc.  I always end up just saying  "It's not that bad" or "I'm fine"  because I really don't want to talk about it and because I'm sure the poor woman is tired of hearing the same complaints from me.  I know full well that there's nothing she can do.  So as of right now, 12:31 p.m. I have not got out of bed except to make myself a coffee.  I did not walk the dog yesterday and it's not looking like I will today either.  He is asleep beside me and I feel dreadfully guilty looking at him.  Not guilty enough to haul my ass out of bed and walk him apparently.  I'm a crappy dog mom.  I left a note asking the kids to leave me be and to work out between themselves to get the dog walked for the next couple of days.  I'm pretty sure they won't though.  Then Max will get bored and restless and steal/chew stuff and they will complain to me that my dog ruined their "whatever".

I don't know why I feel so down.  As usual there has been no cataclysmic event,  just feel like sleeping and crying.  Maybe I'll get up and cry in the shower.  Tried to delete that last sentance three times and I must be hitting the wrong button so it stays.  Ever need a really good gut-wrenching cry but the tears won't come?  I hate when that happens, so instead I will sleep.

I think today is a "I wouldn't jump out of the way of the bus" day.


  1. I always cry when I feel like I'm losing control of my life, things like mix-ups with doctors, or not getting good care, or getting good care. I hardly ever cry but when I do it is usually because of the frustration of not being able to have my world go right.
    Sleep is good too.
    Feel better.

  2. I wish I knew words to help. I have had feelings that edge toward giving up/wishing I could just... be done.

    But not like you're describing for long.

    I hope tomorrow is better.

  3. I feel for you. Days like this are not easy, but I usually try to sleep them off as well or watch so many movies that my brain goes numb. You said something very encouraging to me today so I'm going to give it back--hang in there Sheila.

  4. Thanks everyone. Some days your comments make all the difference.