Friday, June 24, 2011

Today is better

Thanks again for the comments on yesterdays post.  I feel better today, I walked Max.  It was not particularly enjoyable but I got out there and more importantly so did Max.  The kids didn't take him out yesterday and I'm afraid my sarcasm may have escaped a little onto the blackboard downstairs.  Something about thanks for walking the dog (they didn't) and it's nice to know I can count on them (I can't)  Oh well,  funny thing is I'm not really afraid of having the kids mad at me anymore.  I think my sister (from out of town) finally convinced me that having them mad at me is infinitely better than letting them treat me like a doormat.  She and John will tell you that I have to hear something about a gazillion times before it gets through my thick head.

I also showered today and put on clean clothes.  And I finally finished burning (or ripping - whatever) all the CDs onto the computer so now I can get rid of them.  The only thing left to decide is donate, sell at a pawn shop or give them away.  I told the kids that if they take them to the pawn shop they could keep whatever money they get.  I don't know what you get for CDs but at least they'll be out of the house.  John thinks I'm crazy to say that but if he really feels that way, we can pop them in the back seat and sell them ourselves.

I went to Evening Star Designs and loaded up a shopping cart with loads of pretty things then closed the page.  Can't get the stuff but it's like window shopping and gives me a little pleasure.  Then again if I bought a bunch of stuff wouldn't I have to find some place to put it?  No biggie it's all little stuff, buttons, beads, trims, swatches of fabric.

I have a little stash of Rye in my drawer.  I had a couple of drinks after a huge fight with Jess a long while ago and a couple of drinks after my MIL was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I may have mentioned that we rarely drink and I really don't like the kids to bring alcohol in the house.  They are both underage but it seems they think that doesn't really matter.  Well, Jess found my rye while she was returning a belt she borrowed (I find this a little suspicious - returning something to the drawer before being asked for it - well I will give her the benefit of the doubt)  She called John in a panic thinking that I have been drinking secretly and did he know about it and how often did I drink... I was surprised and a little pleased that she was concerned.  I thought if ever she found it she would be pissed off and call me a hypocrite.  John assured her that he knew it was there, knew when I had a drink and had discussed the whole issue with me.  Yesterday I came pretty close to getting myself a little drink of rye.  Instead I took a couple of clonazepam and slept.  Which do you think is worse?  I really am not sure, John says sleep.  The clonazepam is "as needed" and I needed it.  If I had had a drink I may have got something done.  So there you have it.


  1. I don't know if you meant your question to be rhetorical, but Ms. Opinion as usual has her two cents to contribute. By far, the clonazepam is worse. A lot of those pills sneak up on you and take over to where you find yourself dependent on them every time some little thing goes wrong and they are hell to get off of. (from my experience)
    However, (I can't believe you drink Rye :)) alcohol can be quit within a day with no ill effects unless one is a total lush. You can see what alcohol is doing to you, but you can't so much "see" what the clonazepam is doing.
    People have gotten mad at me for saying things like this, but I figure I'm 63, have been a pill addict and have good experience to share along these lines. The thing is when I was in my 20's and 30's, I would have thought someone like me should mind their own business. Whatever.

  2. Honestly, I don't know which is worse, but Linda makes a good argument. I guess the real question is what you tell yourself is easier to swallow. Sometimes it is difficult to just be--sometimes we need to escape that painful moment. I can't tell you if escaping is right or wrong--I can only say I understand what it feels like.

  3. I totally forgot the first part of what I was wanting to say and that is that I'm glad today was a better day.