Thursday, July 19, 2012

Time to go?

I tried to explain a little to John about I've been feeling like it's time for me to go. 

The kids are pretty independent now and don't really need me anymore.  Max is pretty much getting to the age where he doesn't really need a walk everyday anymore, he's just not as energetic as he used to be.  The kids are hardly ever home so they aren't creating a whole lot of extra housework that would be left to John to do.  And John, well, I know I keep John company but he doesn't need me for emotional support, he rarely tells me what's on his mind or how he's feeling so...I don't know, it's not like he... I don't know what I'm trying to say.  I guess I just think he would manage.  He would still get death benefits for me I think, without having the expense of me.  So it seems like time.  It makes me feel sad, and lonely because I know he doesn't understand.  No one does.

Obviously, I'm not going to do anything.  I know this sounds retarded but I wouldn't do it without preparing or warning everyone somehow.  I wouldn't want anyone to have a heart attack when they heard, I would want them to think "I thought she might be considering it."  But not enough that they would stick me in the hospital for prevention purposes.  Although I gotta say, laying in a hospital bed with no immediate obligations (i.e. dishes, laundry, dogs etc.) doesn't sound horrible right now.  Anyway I digress, the point is I feel like my usefulness has just about run out and it's getting close to time.

P.S.  Thor is back with us.  Apparently the vet is not crazy about the incision from his dental work.  I don't know if I mentioned this but one of his canines was cracked and had to be extracted.  I guess the root of the canines goes fairly deep and required a fairly lengthy incision.  I haven't had the courage to look at it but the vet said he may require more surgery.  He's on another round of antibiotics so it looks like he's going to be with us for  a while yet.  I like having him here and all four of us love him but he's such a good dog that I know there is someone out there who needs him more than we do. 

Didn't walk my boys today, woke up late (10:15) with a wicked headache.  It's way too sunny and hot for me to walk with a headache.  I'm heading back to bed now so maybe a little later I'll be okay to take them for a quick walk around the block, then again later tonight for a short walk.  It's supposed to be hot, but not as hot as it has been.  Mind you for me, anything over 25 is hot.  Can't hardly wait till fall.


  1. You're looking forward to fall. Sounds like you're not really ready to go just yet.

    I wish I had advice or magic words. I don't. Good wishes, though, I have a lot of those.

  2. She, I wouldn't have a heart attack...I'd be devastated. Love you beaucoup, beaucoup.